


and my wasted heart will love you

by estrella30



Category: One Direction (Band), Radio 1 RPF
Genre: Barebacking, Boyfriends, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-02-24
Updated: 2013-02-24
Packaged: 2017-12-03 12:03:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/698052
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/estrella30/pseuds/estrella30
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry comes to say goodbye to Nick one last time before tour.</p>
            </blockquote>





	and my wasted heart will love you

**Author's Note:**

> I have no idea what this is. I have a hundred other things I'm working on and then woke up this morning and had this in my head. I JUST HAVE A LOT OF FEELINGS ABOUT HARRY AND NICK AND HARRY GOING AWAY ON TOUR OK???
> 
> thanks to sali_mali for the beta and britpick! any remaining mistakes are my own.

*

Nick’s asleep when he hears footsteps clomping down his outside steps and then the jiggle of a key unlocking his front door. He jumps a little at the sound, pressing a hand to his chest like an old nan willing his heart slow as he realizes exactly what - or rather who - is making all the noise outside the door to his flat. He glances at the clock and sees that it’s not even half eleven and pulls on a pair of jogging bottoms before wandering through the hall and leaning in the doorway just in time to see Harry spill into his living room in a tangle of coats and bags and that horrid orange beanie.

“A graceful entrance as usual, Harold,” Nick quips. Harry stops short and whirls around to face him, a bright smile blooming across his face. 

“Hi.”

“Hello there, popstar,” Nick crosses the room and helps Harry get his bags settled. He takes Harry’s coat from him and tosses it on the back of his sofa and pulls the beanie from Harry’s head, pushing the damp strands back from his face. Harry smells like soap and his skin is warm. He clearly showered right before he came over and Nick wonders what he’s doing here. Harry leaves for tour in a few hours and they’d said their goodbyes earlier in the night. They weren’t supposed to…Nick wasn’t prepared, really, to have to do it again.

“Is it all right that I stopped by?” Harry’s biting his lip and Nick can’t help himself; he leans forward and catches Harry’s mouth in a kiss. 

“Always,” Nick tells him. He touches Harry’s cheek; cups his jaw then drags his fingers over the curve of Harry’s neck, down his shoulder and across his arm until their fingers tangle loosely. Harry tightens his hand and pulls Nick in.

“I packed and took a shower but then I couldn’t sleep,” Harry says quietly. His voice is soft, slower than usual and Nick thinks that’s even better, that maybe he can commit everything Harry says to memory if he just says the words slow enough. “Called the car service and told them to pick me up here instead if that’s all right.”

Nick closes his eyes and leans his forehead against Harry’s. He has no idea how they came to this – Harry coming to him in the middle of the night because he can’t sleep and Nick tossing aside every rule he’s ever had to let him do it. Harry was never supposed to be this much. He was never supposed to be this big; take up this much space in Nick’s life. He was never supposed to be something Nick would miss, but here he is a few hours before taking off to tour the world and Nick can’t stop himself from letting Harry take whatever he wants with him, all the pieces of himself Nick had kept so hidden until now. 

He wonders if those pieces were never there and that’s why no one ever had them before, or if they were there all along but just waiting for Harry.

“Of course it’s all right,” Nick says and tugs Harry’s hand so he follows him down the hall.

*

Nick strips down to his pants and climbs in bed where Harry’s already waiting for him under the covers. Harry’s skin is pale against the dark sheets. Nick reaches out to trace his fingers over the black ink etched deep in Harry’s skin; the wings of the birds and the edges of the butterfly. Harry surges up and kisses him, mouth hot and desperate, his fingers scrabbling against Nick’s back as he pulls him over until he’s pressing Harry down into the mattress.

“Please,” Harry digs his fingers into Nick’s shoulders, drags him close enough there’s barely any air between them. “I know we already did this before but I really just need you to fuck me one more time, ok? I just – I can’t—“

“Ssh,” Nick kisses Harry gently, trying to calm him down. Harry whines into his mouth, his eyes blown dark and frantic looking when Nick pulls away. “It’s no hardship for me to shag you again, Harry, really. I’m sure I can force myself.”

Harry rolls his eyes a little and then shoves Nick’s pants down his hips, wriggling underneath him until his own pants are off and kicked to the floor. He touches Nick almost desperately, his hands flitting around and touching every part of Nick he can reach: his shoulders and biceps and back and waist. Nick reaches over to grab the lube and a condom from his side table and Harry shakes his head, batting his hand away. 

“We don’t need that anymore, I told you that already.” Nick knows what Harry had said, that he knew he was fine and he trusted Nick when he told him he was too. They’ve not been with anyone other than each other for months but this, something about this hits Nick hard in the chest. It makes his hands shake and his breath catch because that’s not – this is new for Nick, another first with Harry. It seems like every time Nick turns around Harry’s taking another piece of him, pushing his way past walls Nick never even knew he’d put up.

“Christ, Harry,” Nick bites his lip and shakes his head but he puts the condoms down. He flicks the cap on the lube and splutters in protest when Harry reaches out to stop him because honestly, he’s not going to _hurt_ Harry. 

“You don’t have to,” Harry says quietly. 

Nick shakes his head. “Of course I do, don’t be insane.”

“No, I mean…” Harry bites his lip and spreads his legs fitting Nick closer between them. Nick’s cock snugs up into the crease of Harry’s hip and thigh and it feels so good, his skin so warm and soft Nick doesn’t realize Harry’s taken his hand and guided him back until his fingers brush against Harry’s hole, already slick and wet. 

“Harry, what—“

“I told you, I was trying to sleep and I couldn’t,” Harry whines. He rocks back onto Nick’s hand, gasping wetly when Nick’s finger slides past the first ring of muscle and into him. “Yeah, fuck, I just – I was trying to do it myself but I just needed you and I –“ Harry’s eyes fly open and Nick’s throat goes tight at the way Harry’s looking at him. “I need you so much, all the time. I didn’t want to—“

“All right, love, ssh. I’ve got you,” Nick closes his eyes, slides his finger deeper then pulls back and goes back in with two. He can barely look at Harry – Harry manages to strip Nick down, lay him bare at the best of times but this, the last time before Harry leaves and Nick can barely stand it. Harry’s moving quickly, thrusts sharp and hands frantic and Nick wants more. God help him but he wants sweet and quiet and slow. He kisses Harry deeply, gently tangling their tongues together and slowing Harry’s hands on his skin until Harry relaxes under him, his body going loose and pliant. 

“Nick, what?” Harry blinks up at him, eyes dark and dazed. Nick kisses his forehead, the corner of his eye. He works his fingers in Harry slowly, spreading and stretching, Harry’s dick trapped between them hard and slick at the tip. Nick brushes the hair back from Harry’s face with his other hand and Harry reaches up, twines their fingers together and holds on as Nick slips down, the head of his cock snubbing at Harry’s hole. 

“Slow,” Nick tells him, “All right?”

Harry’s eyes are shiny and damp. He blinks and looks away as he nods. “Yeah,” he says, voice shaking. “Yeah, please.”

Nick slides into him carefully, trying to memorize every hitch of breath, every shake under Harry’s skin. He’s seen Harry a thousand times a thousand different ways: happy and tired and sleepy and sad and cranky. He’s seen Harry laugh at cooking shows while pissed on two bottles of wine, has seen him crying at Dumbo when it came on the telly one night. He’s seen Harry hard and desperate, on his knees for Nick or laid out, bare and open in his bed, but this. Nick doesn’t think he’s ever seen Harry need him quite this much. 

Harry’s body is tight around him. His skin is damp where they’re pressed together and he pulls back on his knees so Nick can drive deeper. Nick keeps his thrusts slow and steady, pulling nearly all the way out before sliding back in time after time. The headboard bangs rhythmically against the wall, Harry moaning out a choked breath every time Nick bottoms out inside him. 

Nick can tell Harry’s close. Harry’s skin is flushing pink from his chest up his neck and onto his face and cheeks. His bottom lip is bitten red and raw and his fingers are clutching Nick’s arms, holding him tight so just Nick’s hips are moving, their bodies pressed together as close as they can get. Nick can feel his own orgasm building; he chases the feeling with every touch of Harry’s hands, his mouth and teeth on Nick’s chin. 

“Come on,” Harry moans, “Come on, Nick, do it.”

Nick snakes a hand between them and curls it tightly around Harry’s cock, stroking him fast and rough, thumbing hard at the head just how Harry likes. Harry goes tight around him and cries out, head thrown back and neck arched as he comes. He pulls Nick’s hand up and licks his come off Nick’s fingers when he’s done and Nick can barely watch, can’t focus on the way Harry’s looking at him as he sucks Nick’s fingers into his mouth, biting down on the skin with his teeth.

“I’m going to think about you all the time,” Harry’s voice is a thick rasp. Nick screws his eyes shut and drops his head down, mouthing at Harry’s chest. He’s so close to coming, his balls drawn up tight and hard and Harry won’t stop, just keeps talking, telling Nick how he’s going to miss him, how it won’t be the same all the days Nick’s not around, until his voice sends Nick over the edge. 

Nick’s heart is pounding, thudding hard behind his ribs and his hands shake when he pulls out, reaching over to grab a handful of tissues and pass them to Harry so he can clean up. Harry looks sated and sleepy, his eyes drooping shut and a tiny smile on his lips. Nick wipes his hands off and then pulls Harry close, tucking his head against Nick’s chest and curling their arms and legs together until they’re nothing but a twisted pile of limbs, every part of their skin touching the other’s. 

“Sleep now,” Nick whispers, but Harry’s already drifted off, his soft snores the only sound in the room. 

*

Nick wakes to Harry fussing around with something on the top of Nick’s dressing table and he sits up in bed trying to rub the sleep from his eyes. Harry’s fully dressed again, all the way down to the thick black coat and horrible orange beanie and Nick wishes for a split second that Harry never came over last night. There’s nothing Nick wants to do less than have to say goodbye to Harry again. 

Harry notices that Nick’s up and he smiles at him softly, coming to the bed and bending down to kiss Nick quietly on the lips. “My car’s on its way,” Harry tells him and Nick nods. He figured that. 

“I, um, switched our necklaces,” Harry sounds hesitant. He reaches behind his head to scratch at the back of his neck and Nick looks down, sees his own medallion hanging long on a chain around Harry’s neck. It feels huge; important and permanent in a way nothing until now has and he waits for the freak out he’d always imagined when he allowed himself to think about something like this happening. He smiles when he realizes there’s none coming. 

“I hope that’s all right?” Harry adds.

Nick gets out of bed and touches the necklace, already warmed by Harry’s skin. “People will notice,” he says quietly. “They see everything.”

Harry shrugs. “Maybe we let them see,” he says. His eyes are wide and green and looking at Nick like he’s everything. Nick thinks he’ll probably spend the rest of his life making sure he keeps earning the right to that look. 

“All right, popstar,” Nick says and Harry smiles. He holds out his hand and drops his own necklace into Nick’s palm, the silver already warm when he slides it over his head, the cross resting gently on his chest.

Harry looks like he’s about to say something else but his mobile buzzes and he huffs as he checks it, shoving it back into his pocket. “My car’s here.”

Nick nods. He knew it was coming. “Right.”

“I’ll call you from the road all the time,” Harry says thick and slow. “I’ll call you so much you’ll get sick of me.”

“Who says I’m not sick of you already?” Nick teases. Harry rolls his eyes and shakes his head and folds himself in against Nick, his arms curling around Nick’s waist, face buried into the curve of Nick’s neck and shoulder. 

“You’re not,” Harry pouts. “You’ll be sat by the phone all summer like you were last year.” Nick laughs at that because really, Harry’s most likely right, not that Nick will ever admit it. 

Harry’s phone buzzes again and he pulls away slowly, kissing Nick quickly one last time before turning and grabbing his bag, slinging the strap heavily over his shoulder. He sighs a long, shaky breath and Nick catches his hand and slots their fingers together. 

“You’re going to smash it, rockstar,” Nick says, because he has to say something. He can’t just let Harry walk out without even trying to get the last word. 

Harry looks up at him and nods. “I’ll be home soon,” he says softly.

Nick thinks of Harry and home and how even with all the miles between them Nick’s never been more sure of anything in his life. “I know you will,” he says, and squeezes Harry’s hand tightly before he lets go.

 

-end-


End file.
